I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
