new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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