I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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