Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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