You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
