That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
