So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
