Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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