i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
