I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
