R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
