Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
