i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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