She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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