You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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