$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sext me about skeletons
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
