My first STD was from a foam party
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
