Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
