worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
