from now on my penis is your penis
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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