I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
