I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
