the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
