you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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