It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
