sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
