I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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