I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Enjoy the penises
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
