i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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