She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
