I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
