i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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