i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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