You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
