i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
