If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
