K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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