Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
