i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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