Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
