your parents love me but you hate me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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