Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How external is "for external use only"?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
