remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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