I wish I could punch you in the face.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
