if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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