I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
