bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
