rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
