He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this hospital has no fireball
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
