We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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