theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
