I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
