AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
